A Day In the Life of Lord Voldemort
by ForeverLily
Summary: Re-written!2nd chap is the origial.Have you ever wondered what Voldemort does when he's not plotting world domination?Includes puppies, Disco, Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants, and kareoke! sorry about spelling. I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER.JKR does.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Here's the re-write for A Day In The Life of Lord Voldemort. The Original fic is the next chapter. Compare and contrast them if you'd like. Tell me what you think.

-lillyflower's revenge

Beware to all who wish to become the future Dark Lord-that position is mine! Who would want that position anyway? It's a hard task. Why? The job requires a constant façade. You always have to be on your guard, looking fierce and unreadable. Quite frankly, it's exhausting! I would never wish this on another being-not even Potter.

That's why I write in this journal (that's charmed more heavily than Hogwarts, I assure you). How else am I supposed to manage the stress? If I don't manage it I'll accidentally kill one death eater too many. Then where would I be? How am I supposed to defeat the Order of the Chicken (a phoenix is much too noble to be associated with such a filthy organization) without any faithful servants?

How should I begin? Perhaps I should start at what I what I call Crabbe Pace-with a glance at my schedule.

I wake up at sunrise and put on my darkest, blackest robe-all others will destroyed by a maid. Hidden underneath them is a pink pair of bedroom slippers. Don't laugh-they're rather comfortable. Unfortunately I can't charm them another color because it would offend Bella. If anyone ever hears this I will deny it until my dying day (forever), but, Bella is the only person you should fear as much as me. I may enjoy torture, but she takes it to a whole new level! Not to mention that ferocious beast she calls a cat…fear the kitty my friends. Fear the kitty.

After a moment of thought I quickly walk back into my room and wax my head. You've got to work with you've got!

Next I have breakfast. Usually I dine on foods just as evil as I am-Fear, doughnuts, sugary pastries, more fear, or blueberry muffins! Fear and blueberry muffins are my favorite, of course. Occasionally I also eat bacon or sausage, but not often because Rudolphus turns everything into a perverted joke. Such poor taste…

After breakfast I plot world domination. It involves lists, maps, lots of tacks to pinpoint various locations, and torture.

As a stress reliever I partake in a few activities(in this order)…

Torture the Death Eaters

Torture more Death Eaters

Yell at Wormtail

Execute a rebellious Death Eater,

Torture Wormtail,

Leer at Wormtail,

Draw faces on Wormtail as he slacks off and blame it on Crabbe Senior…

Afterwards I gamble. What kind of Dark Lord would I be if I couldn't even be a decent card shark? It's mandatory for everyone to play-even the prisoners. They gamble their lives. There's nothing quite like watching the hope on their face melt and freeze into fear!

I see to it that various attacks are executed, then I scare a few a children and kick a few puppies-none of which are mine-I love my poodle(black of course) Malicia. Playing fetch with Narcissa's shoes is such fun!

After the attacks I make time for my lovely lady-my dog, quite sadly. Bella does try to make advances but she doesn't have enough sanity left to really love someone. It's all just a creepy obsession.

For lunch I always eat a Villain sandwich with extra mayo with a select few of my inner circle. Usually it's who ever annoys me the least.

Afterwards I recline I and continue reading Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I love muggle fiction; it's my dirty little secret. Well, that, and planning my candy shop. It'll go something like this:

Tom's Old Fashioned Candy shop-buy some chocolate covered Death Eaters or DIE!

They're quite delicious. I've been testing them on future death eaters. The last several batches didn't send anyone to the infirmary (not that they told me about that). That's progress, right?

I host a Karaoke night. It's only known to Death Eaters because Dumbledore would never let me live it down. but they are a lot of fun and the younger deatheaters love them! I do a pretty wicked Cauldron Full of Love. As the young people would say, "I am most awesome."

After the event I have dinner fear and a salad. I do have to at least pretend to be watching my weight. Black isn't nearly as slimming as it sounds.

The next few hours are spent doing serious work. (Intelligence, making plans, etc.)

Afterwards Narcissa and Bella insist that I we do some dancing. (Honestly, they're such nags. I don't know what to do because torture just makes it worse. So, unwillingly, the great lord Voldemort is subject to the whim of too silly women. It's almost always Disco. I'm groovey on the dance floor. It's forbidden for anyone to mention this to order.

After a sufficiently late hour I mail a letter to Dumbledore. The one tonight will read,

"Dumbledore,

You lose. Say high to pothead for me. He looks terrible. Is that really who you're betting on to defeat me? With those odds you should just surrender now save yourself the agony of an even more humiliating defeat. Good luck. You're going to need it!

Sincerely,

The Dark Lord"

Lastly I crawl into bed and pass out after an exhausting day.

That is what it's like to be the Dark Lord. Well, that's it. Another day, another entry to burn. Good bye!

End.

Author's Note: Well, what do you think! This is a re-write of the original fic, which is what the next (and last) chapter is. I've grown as a writer since I wrote the original. Over the years I've improved and learned a lot about writing-and I'm continuing to learn. ( I can't stand to re-read fics from that period. Not that I have to worry, this is the last of them, I think. )You all are awesome! Please review!

-lillyflower's revenge


	2. Original Version if you're interested

Hello Dear Readers. I'm Lord Voldemort. Formerly known as Tom Riddle.(call me that and I'll have Fenrir Greyback pay you a visit) If you are reading this I'm either dead-which is extremely unlikely, the Order has won and I'm dead, or I'm supreme ruler of the world(which is much more likely). Everybody knows I plan deatheater attacks; but here's a secret, I do so much more than that.

First, I wake up and wax my head. A Dark Lord must look his best you know.

I put on my blackest, most intimadating robe.

Then I glide down the staircase and engage in my favorite activity-intimidating Wormtail. All I have to do is look at him and he cowers in fear. It's good to be king.

Next I go down to my secret chamber and paint. Personally, I love to paint meadows with bunnyrabbits and tulips or daisies. I also enjoy painting the Hogwarts grounds.

Afterwards I play with my adorable beagle puppy I named her Rose. Quite sadly, she's the only women in my life.

For breakfast I dine on fear…and blueberry muffins! I love them when they're moist and have just enough sugar.

After I've eaten breakfast I plot world domination. [Insert evil laugh here]

I always do yoga after plotting world domination. I can't get anything done if I'm always yelling.

Yell at more prisoners.

Torture the prisoners.

Torture the prisoners.

Torture the prisoners.

Torture Wormtail.

Gamble, I _always_ win. What kind of Dark Lord would I be if I couldn't win a simple game of cards?

Finish The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants. I seceretly love muggle fiction. This book is my favorite. It makes me so emotional. I never want to stop reading. I must know how it ends!

Owl Dumbledore and politley inform him that _I'm_ winning.

Next on my schedule is attend a an attack. It's the highlight of my day!

Scare a few children.

Eat a sandwich for lunch.

Then I plan out my new candy making buisness. (I have a bit of a sweet tooth.

Tom's Oldfashioned Candy Shop, buy our chocolate covered deatheaters or die!

Next I host a Kareoke night. These sessions are top secret, but they are a lot of fun and the younger deatheaters love them! I do a pretty wicked Couldren Full of Love.

Later I have to do seriouse work (accept inteligence; make more plans, and ect.)

I practice my ballroom dancing. Even a Dark Lord must host events.

After I'm done with ball room dancing I dance to disco music. (I am groovey on the dance floor.)

For dinner I ear a four course meal.

Afterwords I change into soft polkadotted pajamas and go to sleep.

There you have it. A day in my life is more than planning attacks you know. It can be a lot of fun! (I know it doesn't seem like something I would say, but there is more to me than meets the eye.)

Thanks for reading. I beg you to review! Thanks to all those that review.


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